A Muppet Manifesto

We are told and we tell ourselves, believe in yourself! We are told to keep going. We are told to be positive. We are told these things because this well-meaning advice is almost impossible to argue with. We are also told this because people really don’t want to listen to your bollix, and “talking about it” has an expiry date.

It drains the listener and reminds them that we are just a spec of dust in a vast meaningless universe, wondering whats for dinner, and when can I next have sex again. But these principles place a rational frame-work upon creatures of emotion, they are timeless coping mechanisms. The Daddy of the three is believe in yourself! It is the force behind the staying power it will take to be hardworking and positive. A lack of belief in yourself leads easily to despondency which in turn takes away your optimism which eats into motivation….and then your back on the sofa suffering and ruminating over past mistakes.

Happiness is a choice we are told, again this is almost impossible to argue with, the logic is sound, you choose how you react to situations, in most cases you can really create your own reality just with a sunny disposition. People are drawn to such people because they seem to make life more fun and manageable.

Popularity, I have observed, is based not on people liking you, it is based on people wanting to be like by you. You become a high-status individual, people think this guy is cool, and he likes me, that increases my self-worth and my status in the group. The seriously charismatic will have this effect on many people, and often times it’s based on little more than insincere, transitory charm. And yet we fall for it every time because why belief in myself? when I can have this person believe in me, this person who seems to have it figured out. This is where the charismatic now enter the realm of persuaders with people willing to do their bidding to please them. There is a spectrum of charismatic people of course, from some genuinely nice people all the way up to Adolf Hitler.

What the popularity dynamic and charisma illustrates is just how hard it really is to believe in yourself, to really love and accept yourself. And those with a deep sense of themselves are very lucky, in the same way, that someone is lucky to be born with good looks. This, of course, is an uncontroversial statement, but to say someone is lucky to be born with certain character traits or lack of them is problematic to some people. Learned behavior is certainly a factor, but as I get older I am coming to the more hopeless conclusion in that so much of yourself operates outside your control, including your judgment which radically impacts your life.

To be very smart, to have great judgment and keep things simple often go hand in hand. Men and women of action are often very binary in their thinking, they deal in the currency of cause and effect, binary action and how reality behaves. Not the why, but the how. They believe in themselves for good reason, reason, being the operative word here.

Believe in one’s self is surely something that requires evidence.?
Where does any belief come from if not evidence? and what if all the evidence tells me that I am far from capable, and despite, years of getting back on the horse, defeat after defeat a clear dull pain is forming in the pit of my soul where belief goes to die. Yes there is always hard work, but successful people don’t just work hard, they make good decisions, they make them, see the result of their good decisions, and now have evidence that they can use to fuel their self-belief. Making bad decisions, over and over again, of course, leads to the opposite, and this is over time extremely damaging as it adds to a large pain body for the relentless conciseness to ruminate over.

And what is a man but the sum of his choices? It is no coincidence that women find confident men attractive, this is the pure survival instinct for her and her children. A capable man, he works hard, but above all he makes the right choices, he sacrifices when he needs to, he makes time for relationships when he needs to, the more success he feels in his life, the happier he becomes, the happier he becomes the more success comes to greet him, after all so much of life is based on relationships both personal and professional. Who wants to hire, date or socialize with a person who lurches from one disaster to the next and is a constant cycle of collapse and recovery. Nobody does. And this is not lost on the suffering idiot, which in turn adds a few more bricks onto the load they are carrying around. This is not a life worth living. Carrying around past defeats, an utterly fragile ego summoning the fake courage to face another challenge until it is hauled back by the past under the stress of its first inspection.

A Human mind needs two things above all, purpose and to be needed and valued. Self-esteem is almost entirely based on this. Now to the outsider who is drifting looking for purpose, but working with the genetics and upbringing they received, and who has with all the seriousness they could muster, made decisions based on the reality they understand to be true, and were wrong, over and over again. And there were inarguably wrong, they felt every bit of it, evidence added to evidence that after careful consideration on numerous occasions you surmised that 2+2=5, final answer. Eureka! Enlightenment! you are a muppet.

This is a painfull moment, to fully embrace that the data doesn’t lie, despite how much your every optimistic unconscious will spur you on there is an inescapable elephant in the room. Your very core judgments are incompatible with you having a stable life.
Your truth, is continuously being exposed to your opinion and your opinion is wrong. Devastating as this is, your mind will spur you on to adapt and change, and you will, but can you change the very core of yourself? overtime you may find you can’t and when this process goes through several cycles of rising and defeat, that’s when the darkness sets in. You can delude yourself or you can face some harsh truths.

You were born this way, and no amount of environmental teaching has been able to change this. Own it, and avoid any situations where you will need use your muppet brain. Find somebody who isn’t a muppet and get their advice. Suck in the pain that pride will stab you with, fuck pride! all of those people who whispered the word muppet behind your back over the years, they are not all wrong. They may be pricks, but they are not wrong. Own it you’re a muppet. Now, what are you going to do? Find something somebody will pay you for, do it, do it well and that will probably be enough. Belief in yourself? no you’re a muppet, you’re here because your a muppet, don’t believe in yourself do what the successful guy is doing, copy him, he has a far better operating system.

This will require a complete departure from your beautiful self,
But God made you this way and you’re great! tell that to the ugly people at the disco. Nature is cruel, and you are endowed with what you were born with, and most of it is unchangeable, yes you can tweak at the edges, learn new skills, but judgment comes from within, and if the inner veers toward the muppet, then do not listen to that muppet. That is the same muppet who will whisper poison in your ear when your lying in bed prostrate after your latest defeat. Obviously, some muppets are bigger than others, to be born a big muppet is a tough life, you are the gay al beano in the black village, getting bullied and spat on. People get kinder when your older but you will always be a muppet. One clause god has placed into the muppet conciseness is perhaps a degree of kindness. Most of the time as you words stream out of your muppet hole and your muppet deeds manifest themselves in whatever theater you will temporarily be tolerated in. In the midst of you being fully present in your own muppet operating system, you will, of course, be oblivious to your own muppetry. Just as a fish doesn’t know what water is, a muppet doesn’t understand reality, and by reality I mean the realities of reality like being able to look after yourself. This is an alpha muppet, a stage 5, with the ability to completely fuck their own lives, and do it sober.

Ask yourself am I a Cat 5 Muppet? or am I a functioning muppet, don’t worry there are many functioning muppets, but it is their ability to manage and curtail their muppet instincts that presents a central paradox, when you know you are a muppet do you cease to be a muppet? I say no, but you may just be able to survive and then tolerate some light ridicule from non-muppets.

I hear the voice of pride, presenting me, confidently walking toward some goal, handsome and purposeful. Pride, where the fuck where you when I needed you? hiding under the fucking sofa that’s where, when the chips were down the ghosts won the day.

Enlightenment is painfull. Compare yourself to the successful, fall short, make many bad decisions, over and over again, you have been born a muppet, I’m sorry, I know this is difficult to accept. But you have many years ahead of you if you can control the spread of your muppetry and hopefully it will not be passed on to your children, if you can find a woman who will marry a muppet, you will of course, if she is also a muppet, in which case your kids will almost certainly be muppets, which is a bitter inheritance.

It’s a dark road a muppet has to walk, dark thoughts broken only by the sound of slamming doors and burning bridges, the soundtrack of the past played on a scratched infinite record, called don’t let the light in. There is the light of course, but the life of the muppet is not secure, and so a future will look much like the past except it will be accompanied by loss of youth. Not for the first time, the muppet will curse the day his parents bought a terraced house, and envy the granny flat a fellow muppet enjoys only doors away. Perhaps to grow old there would not be a bad thing, as your yellow muppet fur looses its luster, you could almost pass for a fully formed grown up, but the muppetry would still be there in thought and deed not to be curtailed with the dying of the light. In a final act of defiance against this pitiless cycle, a muppet may fight back and write a muppet manifesto.

Muppet Manifesto.
Do not believe in yourself. Do not be yourself. Know yourself. Yourself is what got you here, washed up onto a beach the child of hundreds of bad decisions, suffering almost constantly. Your thought and deed and words are from another planet, another realm, where funny means different things, were common sense is a form of genius. Your judgment is that of a muppet, forgive yourself, this was flagged in primary school, and again in secondary, perhaps we could have stopped the bleeding at that point, but your muppet mold has hardened and water runs via the path of least resistance. Don’t be bitter either and when faced with a disappointed lover or employer, ignore pride, pride is fighting for the sake of fighting, simply say “I’m sorry, I am a muppet, I was born a muppet, and I will most likely die a muppet”. If your lover is a muppet and you can connect with your own code of muppetry and one of you can hold down a job then you may be able to survive. As for a boss, perhaps he is an equal opportunities employer and you can shame him into hiring at least one well-intentioned muppet. Or you could kill yourself but you should wait until your at least 45, depends, find out what age smart people kill themselves and do that.

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